Just a quick note to say that Gold Crown Liquors is, as of today, still in business. But we're doing great, everybody, just keep NOT shopping there! We can do this.
I'm setting a target date of December 31, 2008 as the date when I want to see "Going out of business" signs on their windows. Let's make it happen! Remember: Never shop here, just go a couple more blocks to the next liquor store and get a better deal.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Gold Crown Liquors=Satan
Gold Crown Liquors on Clark & Newport in Chicago is as likely an epicenter for the apocalypse as any in the world. It is a dank, filthy booze shop owned by a group of massive, massive assholes. They scream at their customers. They threaten physical violence. They hit on every young girl who comes in. They overcharge for booze. They throw out customers for no reason, or just because they don't want people in their store who don't instantly know what they want to buy. They discriminate against gays. They speak in Greek to each other to insult customers behind their backs. They are generally huge, unnecessary dicks.
Don't believe me? Check out some of the comments on Yelp or Judy's Book. I didn't feel like they told the whole story, though. And since Gold Crown Liquors doesn't have a website, I'd figure I'd take the opportunity to create this blog with the simple purpose of informing the public NOT TO GO TO GOLD CROWN LIQUORS.
So let's say you find yourself in Wrigleyville and in need of liquor. There's no question about it - Gold Crown Liquors is situated right there in the middle of the action, a mere three or so blocks from Wrigley Field itself. But, you know that if you go in there the owners will probably either yell at you or hit on you, depending on your gender, and possibly punch you in the face (regardless of your gender.) So where do you go? Here are a couple of suggestions: Binny's on Clark and Barry (huge suggestion, cheap prices, not owned by dicks), Jewel-Osco on Broadway and Cornelia (really cheap prices, not owned by dicks), anywhere else (probably not owned by huge dicks.)
In closing, I urge you: do not go to Gold Crown Liquors. Let these guys piss themselves out of business. Once their "Going out of business" sign goes up in their dirty, stained window, drinks will be on me, across the street at the Blarney Stone.
Don't believe me? Check out some of the comments on Yelp or Judy's Book. I didn't feel like they told the whole story, though. And since Gold Crown Liquors doesn't have a website, I'd figure I'd take the opportunity to create this blog with the simple purpose of informing the public NOT TO GO TO GOLD CROWN LIQUORS.
So let's say you find yourself in Wrigleyville and in need of liquor. There's no question about it - Gold Crown Liquors is situated right there in the middle of the action, a mere three or so blocks from Wrigley Field itself. But, you know that if you go in there the owners will probably either yell at you or hit on you, depending on your gender, and possibly punch you in the face (regardless of your gender.) So where do you go? Here are a couple of suggestions: Binny's on Clark and Barry (huge suggestion, cheap prices, not owned by dicks), Jewel-Osco on Broadway and Cornelia (really cheap prices, not owned by dicks), anywhere else (probably not owned by huge dicks.)
In closing, I urge you: do not go to Gold Crown Liquors. Let these guys piss themselves out of business. Once their "Going out of business" sign goes up in their dirty, stained window, drinks will be on me, across the street at the Blarney Stone.
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